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Category Archives: Ryan Kemp.com

I will be doing a spot at the debut of Sardo’s comedy night.  Tonight, hope to see you there.  

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This is a great carpet in good shape. It’s had some great times and is looking for a nice home, preferably near a stripper pole. Adds a lot of personality, great for passing out on.  It could use a good vacuuming, possibly a cleaning, but not necessary.  I slept on it a week ago and I’m fine.  Don’t let the leopard print fool you though.  It may look like soft leopard fur, but will still cause rug burns on your forehead when wrestling with friends. 

It’s about 12′ x 12′, and matches everything. Great for parties and really brings any room together. We will miss you carpet. I guess this is growing up…

WARNING: If you own an actual leopard I do not recommend this carpet. suckers blend right in, you step on them, things get ugly real quick.

For my most recent pitch at FOX, I came up with some advertising quotes, none of which we used.  So if you’re ever in need of some funny, somewhat dark quotations about the advertising industry, help yourself (please give credit).  I’ll probably use them as dialogue lines for our main character once the show goes, so look for these and other great lines sometime in 2014 when our show airs…  we haven’t heard a “yes” yet, but we haven’t heard a “no” either.

– Money is the root of all evil.  Advertising is the root of all money.
– Advertising never sleeps.  It does however pass out from too much booze.
– We don’t want a good product.  A good product sells itself.
– Advertising never sleeps.  Probably because of all the cocaine.
– Good people never sold anything.
– Advertising is the opposite of conscience.
– A product is only as good as the people who sell it, and we’ve got some some really shitty products.
– I could sell ice to an eskimo, so long as the eskimo saw my ad campaign.
– A group of people working together to lie to the masses.  Now that’s a family.
– Advertising and Public Relations are two sides of a coin… Ideally a rather large coin that I would like to put in my pocket.
– We have a great product.  Now we need to figure out why someone would ever want it.
– The secret to a terrible product is figuring out why everyone needs it.

/my room

This is a creek in the Sierra Nevadas where I go camping.  What you’re looking at is what it consists of.  Tranquil, mesmerizing, shiny.  It’s a great place to do nothing at all.  I pretty much just sit in the water all day and drink beer.  There’s some occasional hikes and rock-jumping contests.  But mostly stuff like this.

I could watch this for hours.  In fact, I think I did.

I know it’s not safe to take pictures of the license plate on the car in front of you while your driving.  I couldn’t help myself though.  I wonder if there’s any type of skype-commencement ceremony.  I picture the grads walking past their web cam and waving.  Proud alumni.

this was pretty cool

Alternate Headline: North Hollywood, the new West Hollywood?

Alternate Headline: Local supermarket’s Lucky Charms special “Through the Roof”